Tag Archives: Life

Reality Strikes

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Sometimes reality can hit us like a ton of bricks, when we least expect it. And sometimes it’s force can strike so hard, that it even sets us back. Understanding other people’s pain is something we as humans will never have the ability to do. Just because there is always someone else out there suffering more than us, does not mean we should disregard our own struggles by any means. However, it should really make us sensitive to the fact that we shouldn’t push our own problems on people all the time. We never know what that other person is going through.

Yesterday I received news that an old friend of mine from high school passed away. He was one of the sweetest people I have ever encountered in my life. So genuine and humble, he really was. But he was also one of the saddest people I knew. He was never able to conquer his own demons. And they got the best of him. Perhaps he is in a better place now, free from pain. I hope so at least.

As I get older I hear many more shocking stories that I don’t want to accept. The harshness of reality is not something I am ready to take on. The world can truly be an ugly place’ compiled of many ugly people trying desperately to make the most of it, put on a mask and appear beautiful.

 

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11 days

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I was sitting on the dock beside a girl buried in her phone, afraid to look up- wondering if she too was about to face an emotional journey like mine. I looked around at all the families, couples, friends- they were all enjoying their beautiful vacation, in a place many would die to get a chance to visit.

I was leaving.

Whether I would return was still a question racing through my mind. It wasn’t much of a vacation for me anymore- it was hatred, fights, tears, and unhappiness. It was the bottomless pit in my stomach wondering where things went wrong. It was the fear of no longer being loved, and having nobody left to stand by me.

It was loneliness.

I was the first to board. I sat by the door to be the first one out, much like I always did. When the boat finally pulled away, I passed by every landmark where we had built a memory. Every single surface of the shore had a goddamn memory. The last bit of land within sight, before drifting into the middle of the ocean, was the beach where we spent many of our days. Tangled up in one another; collecting sea glass, challenging one another to stone skipping contests, and long, freezing walks through blizzards with Gypsy. The house that sheltered us from every season of weather was now miles away. The man who I had adored more than any other was now miles away.

I spent four hours traveling home, racking my brain for answers. Who was I going to turn to? How could I fix this? How would I even explain myself? What was going to happen next? I did a good job lying to myself that things would be better and nothing would change. To my disappointment, that was no longer the outcome. Two days later I reached out to the people I had. I quit my job, I collected a years worth of my memories along with my dog, and I left the island behind me. I roamed the city for two consecutive days and got myself a new job. With more disappointment and a weeks worth of failed success first to come, I finally found myself a beautiful apartment to live in. I confided in the people who really have stood by me, fought through the aching and pain, and pushed myself to achieve what needed to be achieved.

Our lives can change within a blink of an eye. Never assume that things will go according to plan, because that’s not the journey life has set us out on. We are here to face challenges, to meet people who will affect us for eternity- and leave them too. To feel pain, pleasure, and everything else in between.

Be strong no matter how comfortable you may feel.
Strength is what will make us the superior ones.

Why we force ourselves to live in seclusion and why it is actually hurting us.

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“And in this curious state I had the realization, at the moment of seeing that stranger there, that I was a person like everybody else. That I was known by my actions and words, that my internal universe was unavailable for inspection by others. They didn’t know. They didn’t know, because I never told them.”  – Kim Stanley Robinson

 

You surround yourself all day with people, whether it be at your job or taking classes at a university. You finally make it home at the end of the day; you realize there’s nothing you’d rather do more than turn your phone off, ignore everybody’s calls and text messages, and shut the world out. You repeat this routine daily until you’ve slowly found yourself working from home and taking occasional classes online. You can’t seem to remember the last time you had a good night out with friends. The vibrates from your phone seem scarce and before you know it, your closest friends have given up trying to keep up whatever relationship you had left with them. 

Okay this is getting kind of depressing and we can’t keep living like this. 

Though the solitude may feel exhilarating and it may feel like you’ve begun accomplishing all your personal goals and that you’re moving in the right direction – you’re wrong.

You miss people aggravating and harassing you. That is because this kind of connection with the “outside world” is absolutely necessary to live the best life you are given. We thrive from human contact, we learn from other beings, and work fantastically along side likeminded ones. 

A few reasons one may want to seclude themselves in the first place are:

1. Lack of trust in others – This could have stemmed from consistent (or just one person) betraying another’s trust. Often times people will disconnect due to lack of faith in others. Usually others will begin seeming less and less trustworthy over a longer period of time.

2. Depression/Anxiety – Some people suffer from internal difficulties when it comes to interacting with others. It could be due to environmental or social factors as a young child, or a traumatic experience happening to them during their life.

3. To be in peace – Sure being alone can be peaceful for a certain duration of time. People like to have the ability to escape in a sense from everyday struggles and reality. For some, being alone can be very therapeutic. 

Though some of these mentioned reasons may sound relevant and appealing to your life, they are not in the long run. Living in seclusion can actually enhance the first two reasons I mentioned and give people a warped sense of reality, a delusion of perception if you will. We trust less and fear more when we are not given the ability to experience interaction first hand. This then increases levels of depression and anxiety because we develop less control of much of what we were once able to control. The greater the fear, the greater the chance of running away, for many. It does not allow people to open up to others and robs them of the ability to relate to the many people out there that share similar minds.

What many tend to forget is that there about about 7 billion other people in the world.. This means a few things.

1. There are probably 7 billion other people out there who feel the same way as you.

2. There are 7 billion other people who are worrying and judging themselves, they aren’t living to judge you.

3. There are 7 billion other people out there for you to teach and learn from.

In the large scheme of things, we are all nothing compared to the many others out there in this world. In the small scheme of things, we still have very high chances of meeting others who can help better our lives in ways we may never even comprehend.

Turn your phones on, get out there and try new things. Open your hearts to all the people who may pass by and show interest in you. One day when you are old and wise, you will be able to look back and be grateful that you were able to learn what you did from all the other living beings who are lucky enough to have met you. 

 

 

 

Change is Good.

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I’ve been hearing a lot about change lately.

With first semester of school ending, people are reevaluating their paths in life; trying to figure out where exactly it is they would like to be and faced with many life changing decisions. It’s a difficult time for people undergoing these kinds of obstacles. Money isn’t easy to come by for many right now, of all ages. Education costs are skyrocketing, and there’s a pressure on students to fulfill a complete education more than ever before.

My experience with it all so far has been interesting. My perspective about college has not changed much since the day I was forced to decide which school I would be attending. I opted to live on campus, figuring that if I were about to invest my all into this new adventure, I may as well take full advantage.

While spending the time and money to live in Salem I came to realize that I did not need to spend thousands of dollars to achieve the education I am seeking. I will be the first to admit that much of my hesitation stemmed from worrying about how the loved ones in my life would take it. A part of me feared they would not be accepting of my recent decisions and that I may potentially be looked down on. I had to come to terms with the simple fact that this is my life and ultimately I am the only person who I have to keep an eye out for. Now I am taking some time for myself to build a new plan of attack on my future, looking into alternative options. I will put my ducks in a bit of a different row and build my own course to get where I need to be.

It is extremely important for people to understand that there are many more opportunities than just the conventional college path. I have spoken with some really great, successful people lately who have inspired me and opened my eyes to the many more options this amazing world has to offer to young, ambitious people.

What I have to constantly remind myself is that the conflict I am currently facing with attempting to straighten myself out is only a fraction of the struggle that people far beyond my point are faced to contend with. It makes us far stronger individuals to be able to overcome our personal hurdles.

I recently read a very inspirational blog about bettering the quality of your life, which you can view here. I feel as though this blog validates many people’s fears, whether adolescent or aged. We all battle this internal struggle of fearing how others may view us. Whether we are willing to admit it or not, we all have a conscious or subconscious desire to please. The truth is that there are 7 billion other people we share this earth with; to stop and wonder how each of these people are going to view us is absolutely absurd. What is even crazier is the fact that a great deal of the people we encounter in our day-to-day life are people we will never even come across again.

We cannot sit here, in the year 2014, and assume that every person of significance in our lives today will remain with us until the day that we leave this world. What we can do however, is work every day to better ourselves, embrace the change that comes at us, and live our lives to better ourselves, first.

If an opportunity arises that allows you to do something you have never done before, do it.
If you are not satisfied with the path you are wandering down, change it.
If you meet somebody who affects your life for the better, become closer to them.
If you find yourself feeling negative, remember the thousands of great things this world has to offer to us.
If you are caught up in a monotonous routine, spice it up. We are not on this planet forever.

Everyday Feels

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We often get caught up in the heat of the moment,
when our feelings are raging and our thoughts are unclear.
We begin to believe we are battling our opponent,
when suddenly it is only the end that seems near.
I love you with all of my heart,
but we are much too alike.
I thought we were just getting to the best part,
when you were over telling me to take a hike.
To control these feelings is quite the struggle,
It’s like telling the ocean to stay steady.
I will bite my tongue this time and see what you have to juggle,
allowing you to come to me only when you are ready.

Don’t Quit Just Yet

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The moment I met you everything changed

It was as if I floated up into the sky –

and lived for hours in a dream.

A dream I never thought I was capable of having;

where everything felt good and nothing else mattered.

You looked into my eyes and the whole world stopped

I was caught in a trance I never thought I’d find myself in.

You touched me,

oh you touched me.

As your hand rested gently on my side I felt your energy

flowing through my body, touching my inner most soul

I felt the warmth from each fingertip

I felt the movements of your body

and the passion emanating through me.

You were something else,

something I had never experienced before.

I felt protected.

All my fears were left up in those seats we stood by.

Still I was living in this unknown world

forgetting that life was still happening outside of us.

You kissed me,

oh you kissed me.

The electricity was enough to blow our surroundings into a million pieces.

Your hands were cold on my leg,

my panties weren’t.

I wanted you, much like you wanted me.

But instead I got in my car, lit up a smoke, and drove away from you.

I felt like I was driving for hours, missing you.

Wondering when I’d hear from you again, what you were doing,

or if I kissed you the way you liked it.

None of it felt right, it felt good, it felt empowering,

it felt like we could rule the world together with the passion we created as one.

Since that day you have changed my life.

I have felt sad, angry, loved, horny, infuriated, overjoyed, grateful, lucky

and every other emotion that could be found in a dictionary.

I’m still miles up there in the sky with you,

chasing planes, stars, planets, and whatever else may be living up there.

I still walk by that parking garage that we sat in

and I stroll down that street we traveled on

when we didn’t exchange many words

but rather, we felt one another.

And I think about being next to you,

wondering if that was going to be the last street we walked down together.

Now I walk down it often to get to you,

to feel what we felt that night together.

I never want to lose that feeling.

I always want to feel your warmth and protection,

your hands on my hips, your tongue in my mouth,

I don’t want to wake from this dream.

Real Life

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Every human goes through that awkward phase of having to adjust to leaving their parent’s nest at some point or another. For some it may be when you’re very young, or some when you are old. We all have to come to accept that Mom and Dad can’t be there for us whenever we need something. When our bedroom in their house that used to be our safe haven has just become “our childhood bedroom.” When we are forced to break bonds with childhood pets that we can’t take with us. When we feel guilty asking people from back home for money to just get us by. When we feel we are not included in activities and traditions that were held for years and years back in our hometowns. 

I am developing a better understanding of why it takes some people well into their 20’s, 30’s, and sometimes even 40’s to move out of their parent’s home. The thought of living alone and supporting myself in this vicious world is a tremendously terrifying thought to imagine.

Growing up you realize that life isn’t just one big party anymore that you can call your parents from to bail you out. It’s real. All around us is real. All the obstacles, successes, financial burdens, relationships; it’s all real now.