Category Archives: Poetry

Everyday Feels

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We often get caught up in the heat of the moment,
when our feelings are raging and our thoughts are unclear.
We begin to believe we are battling our opponent,
when suddenly it is only the end that seems near.
I love you with all of my heart,
but we are much too alike.
I thought we were just getting to the best part,
when you were over telling me to take a hike.
To control these feelings is quite the struggle,
It’s like telling the ocean to stay steady.
I will bite my tongue this time and see what you have to juggle,
allowing you to come to me only when you are ready.

In My Soul

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You never called yourself by your real name.

Nobody else did either because they were afraid,

because the real you was a monster.

Your nicknames would make you feel invincible,

but you were far from that.

We felt you in our bones,

our flesh,

our bloodstreams,

anywhere we could feel, you were there to haunt us.

You wrote me words to tell me you loved me-

they made me feel warm, I felt special,

like I was the tallest woman on earth.

Those were not words of compassion-

those were words of ownership, they were blasphemous;

they were like your many nicknames.

My body was not my own.

You would tell me things like:

Don’t wear that color makeup,

it makes you look like a slut.

Don’t show your skin, nobody else can see that but me.

What would my punishment be this time for breaking the rules-

Would you yell at me until I felt so helpless I would sob?

Would you squeeze my wrists so hard when I would try to escape you,

so my wrists would turn blue?

Would you breathe the smell of whiskey into my mouth and tell me to just do it?

I used to love the many, beautiful scents of candles.

I would fill my room with them,

sometimes light them when you’d come over.

I thought they may impress you

and maybe you could love them as much as I did.

But now I pick them up and imagine you chucking it’s glass at me,

all because I tried to comfort you.

When other men touch me I quiver,

because I remember you touching me

and it hurts.

Since then I cannot feel real trust

and it’s taken me years to love myself,

because for years I was blinded by fake love

and thought I was a princess, but really

I was a slave.

My body was not my own.

Autumn

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I heard the scratching sound of the pin hit the record;

your voice began to fade and all that was filling my ears were the smooth sounds of acoustics and melodies dancing through the wind.

The air blowing in through the window, gently shaking your mother’s old, worn down curtains that should’ve been taken down years ago.

You never did say why you had to leave, all you said was that you wouldn’t be coming back.

Now I’m alone here with these tunes and the smells of crisp autumn air blowing into my face, caressing my long hair.

You know how much I love this season.

I gaze out that window and I imagine myself running through the tall blades of grass, you chasing behind me.

We’d run so fast that we’d stumble and trip over little bits of rocks underneath the tall, untrimmed grass.

I’d cry and you’d pick me up and tell me to keep going,

because we were fighters;

fighters with passion and imagination,

that could get us anywhere we needed to go.

Maybe that’s what drove you to get where you’re going now.

Even if I never see you again, I will always be there to pick you up and tell you to keep going.

While you are off fulfilling your dreams,

witnessing firsthand what this scary world has to offer,

I will be here, with our record player;

savoring the crisp autumn smells,

because it’s only temporary after all.

I’ll enjoy the tall grasses and early sunsets with you-

in my heart.

Don’t Quit Just Yet

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The moment I met you everything changed

It was as if I floated up into the sky –

and lived for hours in a dream.

A dream I never thought I was capable of having;

where everything felt good and nothing else mattered.

You looked into my eyes and the whole world stopped

I was caught in a trance I never thought I’d find myself in.

You touched me,

oh you touched me.

As your hand rested gently on my side I felt your energy

flowing through my body, touching my inner most soul

I felt the warmth from each fingertip

I felt the movements of your body

and the passion emanating through me.

You were something else,

something I had never experienced before.

I felt protected.

All my fears were left up in those seats we stood by.

Still I was living in this unknown world

forgetting that life was still happening outside of us.

You kissed me,

oh you kissed me.

The electricity was enough to blow our surroundings into a million pieces.

Your hands were cold on my leg,

my panties weren’t.

I wanted you, much like you wanted me.

But instead I got in my car, lit up a smoke, and drove away from you.

I felt like I was driving for hours, missing you.

Wondering when I’d hear from you again, what you were doing,

or if I kissed you the way you liked it.

None of it felt right, it felt good, it felt empowering,

it felt like we could rule the world together with the passion we created as one.

Since that day you have changed my life.

I have felt sad, angry, loved, horny, infuriated, overjoyed, grateful, lucky

and every other emotion that could be found in a dictionary.

I’m still miles up there in the sky with you,

chasing planes, stars, planets, and whatever else may be living up there.

I still walk by that parking garage that we sat in

and I stroll down that street we traveled on

when we didn’t exchange many words

but rather, we felt one another.

And I think about being next to you,

wondering if that was going to be the last street we walked down together.

Now I walk down it often to get to you,

to feel what we felt that night together.

I never want to lose that feeling.

I always want to feel your warmth and protection,

your hands on my hips, your tongue in my mouth,

I don’t want to wake from this dream.

Write it down

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Sometimes you can’t formulate the words
because they can come out like vomit
and there’s no fixing the damage
that one wrong word can mean to someone
and you forget to stop and think
just how to make others understand
what is running through your
chaotic brain
you don’t see any punctuation
and some of the words look backwards
because most of it is fiction 
and we don’t understand ourselves
and just why things are the way they are
all we can do
is write it down
so we don’t forget
just why we’re here
and just how others
have the power
to mean so much
to us.

Child Fame Gone Wrong

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I grew up in the spot light,
spending most of my time on stage.
Everyone said I was doing it right,
no longer making minimum wage.

I never heard the word no,
because I made the rules.
Come time for my big show,
my parents had become my mules.

My friends all thought I was cool,
and never wanted to leave me.
While they were all at school,
I patiently waited for them to be free.

Now I am all grown up,
and I find myself missing those days.
Trouble is starting to stir up,
and the skies are growing gray.

I am in the hospital now,
because I partied too hard.
I wish someone had told me how
to protect myself and remain on guard.

Too many innocent, child stars face long roads down Trouble Lane come time they reach their teens and 20’s. Nobody is around to discipline them at a young age, or give them lives of structure. They grow to hold power over everybody in their lives. Whether it be because others look up to them, or they are afraid to lose them in fear of losing the partial fame that comes along with knowing them. Whatever it may be, it shouldn’t be. Children should be given a proper upbringing, no matter their social status. They should experience real friendships, schooling, chores, responsibilities, discipline, etc.. It’s very sad to watch child celebrities dwindle away to nothing once they are old enough to have to begin stepping up and acting like an adult. They just do not know how, because many of them were never taught how to mature.

If I ever have a child, no matter where I may be living or how much money I make, I will never rob her of the best and most crucial years of her life.